This is the Lords doing and it is marvelous in our eyes. Mark 12:11

Monday, January 31, 2011

I try to be an open book, but that is sometimes really hard to do. Maybe that's why I have had writers block for so long now.
I have a tendency toward perfection; in my home, hobbies/activites, religion, marriage (whatever that is). That's not pride is it?? ;-) Recently all the years of heartache and the walls I had built which I held back came crumbling down on top of me until finally I found myself lying on my bed in tears. I could no longer handle it all on my own. As thoughts ran through my mind. The pain was unbearable. I knew this journey would be long and that I would have to accept some help. That always stresses me out when I have to rely on others.
I've always thought that I can bear it on my own. I thought I could handle it until it all came crashing in on me. So often I try to handle everything in my own strength. I try to build walls to hide and protect me from my own pain and suffering. Also, I suppose I have some insecurity issues. I make things up in my mind on what others think of me and it becomes so real. Satan is the author of lies. In it all, God wants to come into my life and bear it for me. We were not meant to carry it alone. It's just like the Apostle Paul said in his letter to the Corinthian believers, His strength is made perfect in weakness. We think we must be strong to survive, but really we must be weak and allow God to come into our weaknesses. We must invite Him in, because being a God of love He will never force His way into your life.
Knowing all of this, I still find it hard to do.

On a total different note. Please be in prayer for our friends Erin and Justin. Erin is 8 1/2 months pregnant and Justin was just diagnosed with stage 4 Leukemia last week. He will be admitted today to start treatments. They have beautiful picture of faith and know who holds the future.

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