This is the Lords doing and it is marvelous in our eyes. Mark 12:11

Thursday, September 16, 2010

One of those weeks

I feel like throwing a temper-tantrum before God, a screaming fit, right in his throne room. I feel like yelling at him with clenched fists and angry tears in my eyes, shouting at him, "Why has this happened?!" and, "Why hasn't that?! Why?! Why are things working out like this?! Why my family, my friends, my desires... Why is nothing the way I prayed and hoped for?! Why?! What are you doing?!" I hope he clues me in soon.

I feel like stomping my feet at him, flailing my arms and, yes, I even feel like throwing something at him...all because I'm so frustrated and confused and disappointed.

But feeling is so different from truth. I can't get much past even the thought of bringing these questions to him in respectful prayer because they're not respectful questions. I believe it's okay to ask "why" but when it's out of anger it's far from okay. How can I grow angry and frustrated at a perfect God? The God who is omnipotent, infallible, and sovereign. The God whose thoughts are higher than mine who's ways are higher than mine, who knew each of my days before my birth, who provided for and protected me, who sent his own Son to die for every one of my sins, even this sin of...well...whatever this is that I'm doing.

I can't get past those truths, and when I think of them, my anger and frustration just flow away. They're replaced with faith, yes, but also a fair amount of resignation. Like the horse who doesn't want to work and yet is hitched to the plow anyway. And so I take a deep breath, and I pick up my Bible, turn to Job, and find my scripture for this post.

"In those days, when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me. I will be found by you," says the Lord. Jeremiah 29:12-14, NLT